Do you have a gym crush but the fear of being rejected is holding you back?

This week I had the pleasure of speaking with dating coach, Chris Nappi.

He went over his best tips for approaching a girl/guy in the gym OR ways to get approached if you’re crushing on someone but too scared to approach them first.

But first let’s go over why we are even talking about dating in the gym.

My single peeps know, dating is HARD these days.

With all the dating apps and social media, it can be exhausting trying to find a serious relationship.

I find it to be especially hard as gym goer, because many gym goers want a partner who shares that same interest.

You put a lot of work and energy into your body and you expect your partner to do the same (not in all cases but I find a lot of the time this is the case).

It makes it easier as well when you think in the long term about living together, doing activities together, and eating meals together.

When your goals align with your partner’s goals, it just makes a lot more sense.

So most gym goers are looking for their gym bae…

But the problem is that the gym is not really a social place.

It’s not like the bar, where you can go over and everyone is open to conversation.

I’m not saying the gym isn’t a social place because if you see someone you know, you generally go over and have a quick conversation. Many people even go with friends so in that sense, yes it is social.

In terms of meeting new people though, its not the easiest to go introduce yourself.

Most people go to the gym to be left alone. It’s their “me” time where they get to deload for the day.

And most people do not want to be interrupted during their workouts to have a conversation with someone they don’t even know.

If you’re an avid gym goer though, it makes sense for you to meet someone at the gym so DON’T be afraid to go over and introduce yourself or make a quick conversation.

As basic as it sounds, you have to “shoot your shot”. At least you can say you failed trying.

Here are some quick do/do not’s from Coach Chris when it comes to approaching someone at the gym –

What NOT to do:

1. Approach someone when they have their headphones in and are in the middle of a hard workout set
2. Find them on social media afterwards and start a conversation that way. This usually works fine but its not the confident way to do it. As Chris said it gives off “feminine” energy, which as a woman, I do agree. When you meet someone for the first time, you want to appear confident to give off the best first impression (girl or guy).

Much better ideas:

1. Ask them to record a video for you
2. Ask them for a spot
3. Use the stretching/mobility area in your gym to warm up or cool down without headphones in (the best place to start a conversation)
4. Keep your keys/belongings in a more public (but still safe) area of the gym where you may run into someone to start a conversation

Keep the conversation short at first. You don’t want to hold a 5+ minute conversation when someone is in the middle of a workout.

Keep it FRIENDLY. You don’t want to come off super aggressive or weird. Even giving a compliment based off physical appearance can come off too strong right off the bat.

By breaking the ice with something quick & friendly, they are more likely to engage with you in the future by saying hi or even engaging in a conversation with you first.

From there, you can start longer conversations each time you see them (if it is appropriate).

Eventually, after a few conversations, be bold and ask them for their social media, phone number or to grab food sometime.

Remember practice makes perfect. The more you do something, the more comfortable you become. You can only get the reps in if you TRY.

Don’t let your fear of rejection hold you back. You truly have nothing to lose.

They aren’t interested? At least you tried. At least you got a rep in. At least you got just a little bit better for when you go to approach the next person.

Although it may feel like a hit to the ego, you have to remember you’re not for everyone and that’s okay.

As long as you stay true to yourself (be genuine), and put your best foot forward, you’ll find that person who likes you for you.

The worst thing you can do is approach someone and pretend to be something or someone you’re not just to impress them.

They will figure out eventually that you were not your true self and it will end up not working out in the end anyways.

If you’re still struggling with the idea of this, here are some good book recommendations from Coach Chris on dating and improving self confidence (click each for the link to view) –

1. Attached by Amir Levine & Rachel Heller – on relationships
2. The Six Pillars of Self Esteem by Nathaniel Branden – on self improvement
3. The Confidence Gap by Russ Harris – on confidence

I highly recommend everyone take a deep dive into their own research as well. A little self improvement reading never hurt anyone.

If you are looking to be approached in the gym by someone but you’re too nervous to do it first, here are a few things you can do to indicate to someone you may be interested:

1. Make a lot of eye contact – ok but, not in a creepy way. Make sure to blink & don’t be staring for excessive amounts of time 😂 
2. Workout around the same area as them – don’t follow them like a puppy dog because that’s creepy but if they stay in a general area, try to stay near them

I will say these techniques probably work best for females when trying to get a guy to approach them. When done in reverse it can come off a little creepy especially if the girl isn’t interested so make sure you know where that fine line is! Gym men can already be creepy enough as is (especially y’all older men).

Next time you see your gym crush, don’t be afraid to try out some of these techniques!

If you haven’t already, check out the podcast episode linked below. It is a much more in depth conversation that Chris & I had that many of you would relate to & enjoy.

Best of luck,

Coach Emily